Monday, 28 May 2007

Tequila Monarco and the art of breaking the beer bottle on a "WALL"


Last Saturday was a working day for me. It was an emergency working day, because the code we had delivered after two months of hardship crumbled like the top order of Indian cricket team at the World Cup at the hands of testing team. They brutally tested it and destroyed it. My first project as a developer: MISSSION FAILED. The worst thing was that a party was arranged for that day and I had to stay in office very late.

The Tequila: Kondu brought two bottles of fine Tequila for us to savour. I am an inexperienced guy, who has seen Tequila in the glass shelves of some wine malls. The price was too high for an average working class that I feared to touch it. Tequila Monarco, two bottles of it were resting at the kitchen for the past two weeks. We were looking for an occasion to indulge in the happiness that is Monarco. A showdown was scheduled. 26th May, the D’day. Guest from land as far as BTM were invited for the occasion. The stage is perfectly set. Bulshee the master planner made everything perfect to the minute level. Shot glass, Beer(18 bottles of it), enough lemons and salt.

Buckets were properly arranged so that in case of an emergency no one needs to rush to nearest bathroom or to the outside “WALL”. I had notorious reputation in college for which Bulshee was the most serious sufferer. Two times I must say he suffered. One time in his room, the next time right on him. Yet Bulshee is a gentleman.

The need for 18 bottles of beer for 9 person were easily justified on the very first minute itself. A two minute double salvo by Bulshee and Anish made the beer count reduced to 16. Tequila began to flow. Music was played aloud. Everyone drifted into a journey to the unknown. Seeing the opportunity I, Maman and Anish escaped to the kitchen with a bottle where we took shots one after another only to face Bulshee’s wrath for cheating.

One gentleman who was a complete teetotaller broke his vow by taking his first sip of the pleasure. We poor drinkers had a modest start sipping to the sourness of some cheap rum.

Thakku(name is not real to maintain anonymity), who is extremely vulnerable to alcohol already had a bottle of beer and three shots of tequila opened upyet another bottle of beer and suddenly ran out of the house breaking yet another bottle and pouring beer all over the house and getting himself “WALL”ed again. But his determination is tremendous. He even had the courage to have yet another beer. He is strong physically unlike his looks. Thakku I salute you!!

Next morning I woke up only to hear that Maman and Anish were knocked out completely and their body had rejected everything that they consumed later into the night.

Yet it was a great night. The next day we had a luncheon at IndiJoes, a treat by Raghav for his IIMA call

Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Seconds From Disaster: CAT'05

11 pm 19th November 2005, E Hostel, NIT Calicut.
The day before the CAT. Even though I was not at all prepared to face the challenge, I was brimming with confidence. After having a session of gossips at Kozhi aka Thaseem's room with Ajmal, Anilesh and Cheri I went to my room for a comfortable sleep. I was making my bed with the door unclosed. A mob of bast***s entered the room who don't even mind pimping their mother. The debate started.
The biggest ma-fcker of all started the conversation.
MF: You wanna hit me, right?
me: Why did you hit Anilesh and Kunji?
MF: I came to resolve the problem.
me: Catching by neck is the way you resolve it?
I saw a hand heading straight to my face.
[Lights went off]
I am not sure whether I fell down by their beat up or intentionally jumped to a corner so as to avoid much of their beating. One thing I was sure that I yelled like hell which caught the attention of Anilesh, Ajmal and every other neighbour. They came to the rescue. Much to their dismay my room was heavily guarded by the watch dogs of the biggest ma-fcker. More than 25 people to beat up a poor guy like me. In a minute or two they finished their work and ran back to their so called mother's womb, F-Hostel. I was bleeding profusely
Meanwhile all the radis has assembled before the F Hostel. If a fight would have broken out it'll be against all the predictions whcih will result atleast 5 serious casualties. Meanwhile some profs came to the scene of incident.
Angry Timman beating on car's bonnet: Sir, Ningal enthenkilum cheythillenkil njangal avere kollum[If you don't do anything we'll kill'em].
I went to hospital just for the sake of it. Entire college union got suspended because of the incident.
Disasters don't just happen happen. They are a chain of critical events. I unravel the fateful incidents which lead to the seconds from disaster.
15 th November 2005. The day before the economics exam:
The magazine committee brings out a so called newsletter hurting some people's sentiments. We[from here the we means the people who are thirsty for blood, I,Anilesh,Kunji,Maman,Ragav,Mambu,Parachetta,JT and to some extent Manjeri] were totally unconcerned of the incident. Some of the final years put a poster criticizing the newsletter. Those newsletters were burnt.
One foolish third year dared to tear that poster away inviting our wrath. Some in "we"are still unmoved. Many final years under the leadership of the one and only trouble maker ParaChetta moves to see the "foolish gentleman who tore that poster". Parachetta's dialogue over there are extremely X rated and cannot be quoted here.
Behind the scene, another junior engaged in another debate with Mambu and tells him that he will tear away any poster that the final years will put. "Phum" he got his first bash right on his face. Credits: Manik Scoot Mambu.
Ma-fcker along with a person whos size is little bigger than a mouse comes to the scene thinking that he can resolve anything under the sky. The first thing he did was catching Kunji by the neck. Anilesh smashed MF right on his face. He caught Anilesh by the neck. Now it was my turn to give him a knock. I gave him a double. Curtains lowered for the moment. Everyone back to their rooms. I, Anilesh and Maman in my room started discussing about the fun in the fight. We heard some noise downstairs, we knew something is happening something really nasty. What we saw was one of our fellow comrade getting beaten by six or seven bast***s. We rushed to the scene. I engaged in a duel with one of the bast***s which ended in a stalemate. Meanwhile I saw Anilesh knocking MF like a dog. I wasted no chance. I gave him a flying kick that took MF to the window side. I gave him my share of bash. I ended up in a corner while fighting. I heard the guy who got his urinary bladder blocked in the last fight yelling"Rush in we got him(that's me) in the corner, have your chance" Thommi and Gym rushed to the scene pulling apart everine who surrounded me. I was spared. We won the fight. No casualities.
Little did I know that after three days inevitable was going to happen. They went to Anilesh's room first, but failes in their mission then came to mine. Rest is history.


Thursday, 17 May 2007

Strep throat, Manjeri's bullet and defects from the moon

There are good times, there are bad times. Last week I had a fine scotch, J&B. But that has one irreparable damages to my throat. I've got a strep throat, a big bad strep throat. When the pain became no longer bearable, I searched the net for sore throat symptoms, medicines and side-effects. I got much of my answers in the first two sections. But there was one shocking information in the third section. If not treated well the sore throat can lead to the damage of heart valves. That was too much for me. Damaged heart valve at this age!!! But now I'm almost ok, thanks to the antibiotics. They are on work killing all the bacteria. So friends when you get some throat ache or swallowing becomes painful,its better to refrain from smoking or drinking alcohol. The Doctor has warned me not to touch alcohol for two months and totally abstain from smoking in this life or the next. I fear I cannot take a shot of original Mexican Tequila that Kondu has brought from US, exclusively for us. Life, at times is cruel.(*sigh*)
The most entertaining man in our house, MANJERI. He is going to buy a bullet, a big, old and bad bullet. No one can imagine Manjeri driving a motorcycle, that even bullet. He was famous in college for doing adventure sports with a bike with Kunji on their way to Wayanad. We were lucky that "Radicals Jt Conveners" were spared by the God Almighty. His demands from the 10 year old bullet is quite modest.

1. Condition: Extremely good and low maintenance.

2. Mileage: 40-45kmpl.

3. Price: Under 20k
What a modest demands for a ten year old bullet. Manjeri, I have heard a certain good news for you from a friend who "really" has a Thunderbird.
1. Even his brand new bike is giving him hell lot of troubles.

2. Another guy who owns a three year old bullet always carries a spare clutch cable with him because it breaks every now and then.

3. They are "still" improving the design with every versions, that means there is no optimal versions so far.

4. Only if you are a bullet freak or a mechanic, you buy a ten year old bullet because it'll be fun running all the time for buying new parts and changing old things.
I really didn't expect the most elegant Indian made motor cycle had these many problems. Manjeri, now it's up to you to make the decision.
Need to do some f***ing teasing and need to find five f***ing defects everyday. That is the order from above. I hope I get some defect, at least some from the moon.


I want to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all those French beaches I'd never see. I want to breathe smoke. I want to destroy something beautiful.

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

The week that was!!

May 1st to May 6th, long long 6 days off from the work. Really there are no work to do these days. Even if its there it'll be over in a minute or two. The six days holiday were great. Having got nothing to do and having a new 2mbps connection at home will open the doors to many restricted sites especially when the mind is idle. Bulshee even complained about not bringing any of those stuffs. How I can say to him that what I did with that extraordinary internet connection was trying to download some game for 6-10 year old that I was addicted to when I was in 11th and 12th standard. Bulshee, don't worry man I'll bring the stuff you need the next time I go home.
The last week was a week that was. Ragav got into IIM-A and Anilu into IIM-B, two of the fellow bloggers!!
At home my dad and mom complained about I getting obese. The only exercise I do these days is walking to cafeteria for a cup of coffee. I know I'm getting fatter. But how can I avoid those usual pints. Without it life is nothing. Since Kondu left for US, I have been drinking alone. Watching some match or movies, I enjoying sipping those great whiskies. Now that Kondu has returned I have got my partner in crime back. The only thing he is interested in this life are cigarettes and liquor. He is as lean as match stick. But he drinks like a fish and smokes like a steam train. The way his nickname sounds you can understand why he's called so. I met him on the first year of college and we became great friends. When I,Anilu and Maman talked about whiskies and smoking he preached total abstinence. In his life there were only three commandments, those given by his father.
1.Son, Don't smoke
2.Alcohol is poison
3.Sonny Boy, Stay away from the babes.
But he lives now on these commandments.
1. I have a PUC certificate which is to be updated every next day
2. There is no life without those drinks.
3. Man is a social animal and he is not a racist to not socialize with a race called babes.
But Kondu, you are fun.
The arrival of Kondu and Chelsea losing the title at Emirates, all occurred yesterday. Red Devils can take the trophy back to Old Trafford after four long years. Chelsea chased quadruple. But now they've only FAcup to fight for. I accept Arsenal trophy cabinet has been empty for last two years. Jose Mourinho even dared to call Liverpool a small club before their crucial UCL semi final 2nd leg which they eventually lost to Liverpool. He doesn't have humility, he doesn't have respect. He even mocked the way Cristiano Ronaldo was brought up. He mocked the double player of the year's lack of schooling. I accept the fact that Jose Mourinho's man management is second to none. He is like a school boy who keeps on whining about his defeat. He never accept the fact that his team is outplayed. He has the skills to make a club bankrupt even with winning trophies.That's the Jose Mourinho way. He doesn't' know about the history and size of Anfield. He doesn't know the craftsmanship of Sir Alex.He doesn't know the supreme talent hunter in Arsene Wenger. He knows only one thing he is the "very special one."